My favorite quote (or reminder as I like to think of them)...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” (Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I'm not a quitter!

"Here are the seven most powerful words in the world: Take 100% responsibility for your entire life."

Did you hear the one about the girl who quit her job in a time when the job market was at it's worst of her lifetime? Ha! It's a good one! You should hear the punch line!

OK, so I'm taking full responsibility for my angst at this time of my life. I chose to leave my perfectly good job. My choice. I get it. But I left for really important heart was not in it, my talents were underutilized, my leadership skills were not used to their fullest, and my brain was not challenged. See, much like my first marriage, this was a perfectly wonderful job, just not for me. I need more. I need to be challenged - not by mindless, endless tasks - really challenged. Challenged like "make this the best program we have", "make our clients passionate about the service we provide", "design a system that works for this or that", "help me make this ___ the best". That I can get on board with. That I loose sleep over (in a good way). That is where my passion lies.

"Talent is good, Practice is better, Passion is best." ~ Frank Lloyd Wright

When I went to go work for the two home builders that I am proud to have worked for, I came on board and they both did the same thing (which is also what my great friend and ex-President of my best job did for me/us) - figured out how to best utilize all that I bring to the work table. I started out slow (for me) and within a very short amount of time, they all realized that they could really use me -- I mean really USE me! It didn't take them long to find more and more things for me to take on and I don't mean mindless things, I mean stuff that made the business better. I never chose to leave those jobs -- a little thing called the "housing market crash" made the choice for me.

See, I'm not a quitter. Generally speaking, I guess. I don't try a bunch of things simply to see what sticks. I give everything I try my full effort, including my "perfectly good" job that I left. And don't get me wrong, they (too) tried to find things to challenge me. But in the end, what you have left, after the trying, is the results of your efforts TO YOURSELF. And, in my strong belief that one has to honor oneself, the truth came out that this was something that consumed a lot of my time (more than any other job had) and did little more than fill my bank account. People who know and love me will tell you that that specific outcome doesn't work for me. See for me, nothing is more important than time (another reason why "sales" doesn't work for me). I cherish my time each day. I literally go through each day step by step to make the most of my time, get it all done, and be able to not have tasks interfere (as much as possible) with my experiences with the people I love and care for and about. I'm like a Super Woman! And Super Woman would never quit and can literally do it all! So for me, it isn't that I quit, it's that I started realizing that this wasn't the way I wanted to spend my time. I know, tomato, tomato...

But the truth is that I am actually proud of my decision to quit my "perfectly good" job. I know in my heart that I left because my heart wasn't served there and I also knew that the longer I stayed, the less time I would spend finding a way out - finding a way to find a job that was better than "perfectly good" - finding a job that was perfectly fantastic! A job I am passionate about (again). I made the decision in honor of my self and also out of love for the people I worked with. They too should have someone who is lovingly wanting to be there and be fulfilled by having done so.

While there hasn't been a day since my leaving that I haven't questioned my sanity, one thing I know for sure. I have never been truer to my self than I have been this past almost six months. And while that also brings bouts of questioning, ego-loss, worth, also reminds me that where ever I do end up, I will show up as a different, even better, more passionate person than I ever was before and that, my friends, is hard for even me to imagine!

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