"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift of life is yours; it is an amazing journey; and you alone are responsible for the quality of it." ~ Dan Zadra
I now understand what Oprah meant and kept saying for the last year of her show. She spoke that she was not sad of it's ending, but rather that she released that energy for what will be next (I paraphrase, of course). Granted, I didn't have a world, life, and history changing "thing" going on here with my little blog, but I did have something that forged a difference for me.
This will be last (personal) blog post. I started this blog a few years ago with the intention of exposing my true self to great people that I wanted to work with and/or for, align myself with, and potentially open mySELF up to new possibilities and opportunities. I blog from my heart with my own sense of humor and lack of drama that I take on every day with. I spoke to an audience I didn't know was listening, but hoped cared. I didn't want to be a writer "when I grew up"...or I did. I didn't want to be an open book...or I did. I didn't want to be exposed, but I did.
I wanted to have an authentic side of me exposed without fast talking, interruptions, distractions, judgements, or the weight of anything else on my heart except keeping true to my commitment to show an authentic side of myself. I wasn't trying to help anyone else, just trying to grow my soul. I wasn't trying to change the world, just what my little part of the world was made up of. I was trying to explore new avenues, new comfort levels and new dedications to myself to BE.
In doing so, I have been blessed with new friends, I have learned much about myself, I have received a part of the hearts of my husband, my friends (& family friends), and I have learned much. In my blogging community, I have learned from the other strong, creative women I have come to call friends. I have learned new ways to look at things, new words, new opportunities and new strengths.
What I have struggled with the past year is the intention of this blog, trying on several occasions to realign myself with that. I have also struggled with the time it takes to "do" this blog. These two factors have proven to me that now is not the right time to force myself to continue. For in doing so, I have become counterproductive to what I have learned and experienced in this journey so far and have gone back to one who is always "Doing" vs someone who is "Being" - this being one of the biggest struggles of my life and one of the biggest rewards in having my blog (to date).
I am still going to keep Sally's blog as I am aligned with the intention of that blog/arena. It serves a purpose (to me) and I think of it as part of my job actually. I'm also going to continue to enjoy reading about the lives and spirits of the ladies I enjoy so much being a part of. I will continue to learn from them and interact in this avenue for as long as they will have me. I will also try to continue to let my heart come from an authentic place of speaking.
This leg of my journey has in fact shown me some of what I was hoping it would, albeit not the way I was expecting it to turn out. Nonetheless, I am forever changed by the journey. I won't make any more apologies or excuses for this blog and my responsibility to it. I am releasing this energy, and forgiving myself for not being able to "keep my commitment". And even that I am releasing. There were no rules to this, just my insane pressure cooker of a mind that says I have to do it because I started it. What I fail at seeing, so often, is that I am also responsible for ending it/something, and that is completion too.
As one of my best friends always tells me, "release any energy you no longer need, back into the earth". So I shall.