My favorite quote (or reminder as I like to think of them)...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” (Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Did I miss something?

“In a world where there is so much to be done, I felt strongly impressed that there must be something for me to do” – Dorothy Dix

Yesterday, I decided to be brave! I know, right?! I marched my butt right up to my computer and sent an email to the gentleman I thought I was going to go work for!

OK, so I'm not completely brave - I get that a phone call or visit would have been much steps! But I did it! I sent him an email asking him when his promise of coming to work there was going to happen? How long did he need to "noodle" (his word, not mine) over the job description, objectives, goals, etc.? Heck, in the two weeks since I was told that "we want you to work here", I have researched what other like companies look for/need/do, I've written down all the possibilities for greatness that I could think of them to expect from me/this position, and could have been performing them by now. So what is taking so long? I was pretty sure I knew the answer as I have been to this alter before.

"Tracey, I know in my heart we will work together sometime, but I struggle if it is the right timing. My veteran ... are behind their commitment right now and I’m not so sure I justify another negative spike in cash flow. We are doing okay, but not great. I wish I could instill the passion and dedication into some of my ...’s work ethic right now for your sake, but I can’t. I promise I will reach out someday and I’ll have to put on my best sales hat the next go around. Good luck with your search. "

Hmmm...I seach for my feelings...bitterness, anger, disappointment, sadness....let's go with that one. I'm really not bitter or angry. Of course I'm disappointed which led to my sadness. I cried for at least 15 minutes. Then my girlfriend (Rhonda) sent me this email "Remember not to invest in the outcome - only in the journey - that is where the message can be found :)" And I know she's right, but it didn't make the hurt go away entirely. I really saw myself at this company doing great things, making a difference, working hard, being passionate about it. I was invested BIG TIME in the outcome.

My husband again stepped up (how long can he keep this up, really?) and said, "Just remember…We (you) did this knowing what it might take to get the job you need/deserve. We agreed that it could take a long time. We did this with our eyes wide open. Nothing has changed (except your expectations). Keep fighting. It will be worth it in the end. Remember this…right now, you ARE in sales. You are selling a very valuable commodity. YOU!!! Be proud of your product. Sell it with zeal. Don’t shrink from an opportunity to sell you. It is the best damn thing on the market. I wish I had you to sell (not in a weird pimp kinda way). Remember…you are GREAT. Make the world understand that!" And of course he wins Best Husband of the Year award AND Best Comic Relief, but he also gets to be right (and really, who are we kidding, we all know which he would prefer!) :o) My sister-in-law, Lisa, and my friend, Kelly, also stepped up to console me and try to make me see the light through my sadness, but I guess I just needed to cry...although I must say, Lisa is my biggest fan and I swear she is going to find a great job for me before I do!

So today's another day. And what I realize a full 24 hours later is that I didn't have anything, so I didn't loose anything, so there really isn't anything to mourn. This simply falls into the category of "What are the three things that cause upset" -- this being two of the three: thwarted intention and unfulfilled expectation. OK, I get that. I'm practiced enough in the art of upset. But I gotta say, it didn't hurt any less knowing what I know. Fact is, all I really loss was a couple weeks of trying to find a great job (since I thought I had this one wrapped up, I didn't try very hard the last 2-3 weeks to find anything else). Of course that's lost time to me and oh boy...let's not get on that soapbox again!

I'm clear today that I didn't miss anything that was said to me. I was told that they want me to come on board. I was told that he just needed time to work out the details and he would get back to me. I guess what I missed is what any good sales person WOULDN'T have missed...I didn't ask for the close. I didn't say "by when". Sales....grrr.....................and in a world with so much great work to do, there must be something great for someone like me to do!

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