Shine

"You stand in your own light ~ Make it SHINE!"

I've decided that on Fridays, I will write about anything my little ol' shiny heart desires -- not just about The Great Job Quest. I think that's an appropriate time to simply spew "Random Ramblings". So here goes (and I promise I won't mention one thing about you know what...). That's OK, I don't think I can do it either.

I went to my favorite store yesterday, Three Sisters Spirit which happens to be owned by my favorite blogger (Dani) to buy my Nana and Papa a beautiful gift for their 65th (yes, I said 65th) wedding anniversary. I introduced myself to Dani (as we had not formally met in person yet). Had had my daughter not been with me to remind me we had to pick up my other daughter in an hour, I might just still be there! No really! It was so nice to have an authentic conversation with someone about themselves, myself, our worlds. So nice to be able to connect to another person on that level. It's a connection I have with very few other people and it's an honor to BE in that.

I found this little trinket (picture above) as Annie and I were getting ready to check out. How could I not have this?! Who made this? Did they know they were making it just for me? Well, really, who else could it be for?! I think it's funny that my husband immediately asked what I am going to do with it. Men are so cute aren't they? Oh honey...it doesn't matter WHAT I am going to do with it, it matters only that I have come back from another hunting expedition with another trophy!

Dani asked me how The Great Job Hunt was going this week (OK, so REALLY did you think I couldn't talk about it?). And, as she knew from my blogs, that I would say, "Quiet".

Then she turned into Pedro on me. I know right?! Pedro (Jeff) is my original authenticity coach. He first introduced me to the work I have been doing on myself for the past 15 years. He is the first to be tough on me, demanding that I be a stand for my authentic self. He doesn't pull any punches and he can see right through me - like I'm wearing a cellophane suit! And this lovely woman went fully Pedro on me (as if she channelled his spirit) and said quite frankly, "I know" and "of course it's quiet. And it will remain to be until you let go of whatever you are holding on to".

Oh someone has got to slow the Earth's rotation 'cuz I am about to Tuck and Roll!!

I hate when they're right, and apparently I have to say "they" now! Uggh. But she called me out - flat out. And when I stop hiding behind the story I created about how I am on The Great Job Hunt, I am left with the wanting. Which if I remember correctly was the subjects of my very first and third and probably 10th and 14th and 18th and 24th posts! Give up the wanting and all will be. Like I'm new to this information. Ha. I didn't just watch "The Secret", I've been trying to live it for more than 20 years! But apparently whatever it is that I am holding on to is bigger than the letting go (patronize me here people) or so I've created a story that says so. Now if I could just figure it out, I could move past stuck.

I'm pretty sure I know what it is, but not sure what to do next. You see, I have been able to identify my Originating Moment, the Fall from Innocence. We ALL have one and it is the single most important moment in your development and is chosen by no conscientious choice of your own. Mine was when I was eight. My mom was the maddest (not angriest, maddest - like a mean dog) she had ever been at me. Ironically, because I was being a terrible sister to my younger sister. I say ironically, as I may have had two moments in one because I am the MOST protective big sister you could have. I would literally give my life for each of my sisters without hesitation. Anyway, in that moment, my mom yelled at me that "she expected more from me". She expected me to behave in the manner of a leader and that someday I was gonna be good enough to be the President of the United States. Dude...I'm like 8. (Right now, my mom wants to jump off a cliff as she thinks this hurt me, even though we know it didn't and in fact has made me proud of who I am. But you can't tell her negative little voice that as "it" won't listen -- Right Ma?).

Well that was it. You can look back at my entire school history and EVERY comment I ever got was about how I shined as the class leader or was too bossy (in my leading, of course). I was the President of my Jr. and Sr. High School class and I was President of my cooking school class. And GOD FORBID I don't have one of the highest titles in the office! Then there's the matter of wishing we didn't even have titles -- that we could all just get the work done. It's a constant ying and yang for me. Have a title, don't want a title. Don't have a title, want a title. Tuck and Roll people!!

It is one of the reasons I left Horizon. While yes I was truly overqualified and bored, I also didn't have a title that I, myself, respected. When I was at Korndoerfer, they had no idea what title to give me since I did so much, so we didn't. And I loved that job. Oh brother. I need help. Oh, did I mention that Dani challenged me on this within the first five minutes of our chat? Did I mention the cellophane suit I was wearing, apparently?

I'm going back to have coffee and couch time with her. We'll bring our stories out and possibly help each other. No matter what, I'm sure I will be left feeling like my heart shined a little brighter because of her and maybe, just maybe, we'll figure what Molly (I named the negative little voice my head) is holding on to. Ma'an she bugs me...Molly, not Dani. :o)

Wow, Random Ramblings wasn't very random at all this week. Well, maybe next time. Any way you look at, I hope your Friday SHINES!