My favorite quote (or reminder as I like to think of them)...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” (Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Standing in My Own Way

"Do something great!"

I say this to my daughters nearly every day when I drop them off at school. Because every day is a new possibility for something great!

Apparently, I am not doing it for myself though. Clearly, I'm standing in my own way as I have come up with no other reason why I have not been on a job interview since December. You know...of LAST YEAR! And while I was a finalist for that position (a tough position that was really going to stretch my thinking out of the box yet being respectful to an industry that has formed best practices over the last 100 + years), they hired someone who could "strap the tool belt on" as we say in this industry. I think that was a wrong choice as it seems to me that if a Production Manager has to strap the tools on to get the job done instead of the subs that were hired to do the job in the first place (incidentally that are being PAID to do the job) then to me, that is a person failing at that job. But, I don't run the company now do I? Yet, again, I can clearly see what is missing in that picture now can't I?

So clearly, I am doing something incorrect, not good enough, and/or that is sabotaging my efforts to find a great job (or career as my daughter Annie pointed out to me last week as the word "job" isn't the right "energy" now is it?!). But I just simply don't know what it is. I felt on top of the world when I thought my resume sucked. Huh...that's funny. But really -- it felt like I had figured out what is wrong (and PUH-LEASE don't say the economy!!) and that I could fix it and make it all right. After all, other than understanding people, that is "my thing" - figuring out what's missing, wrong, incomplete, could be better, and fixing it. Well, I've applied for at least a dozen jobs with my new resume -- jobs I would really like to have -- and nuthin'. Nada. Zilch. Zippo. And add to that the fact that the lady I told you all about that said she was willing to help me address this has apparently dropped off the face of the planet (ya' know, kinda like a first date who doesn't ever want to talk to you again - that kind of dropped off the planet) as apparently she is too busy for me or just plain ol' not interested in helping (I wouldn't know what the answer is since she hasn't responded to a single email of late -- SEE, first-date dropped off!!).

Someone has got to tell me what the heck I am doing wrong!! PLEASE GOD! I'll fix it! I'll do it. Well, that's not entirely true. I won't apply for jobs that I feel are easy enough, or I'm qualified enough for. I am (only) applying for jobs that will push me to shine again. Thus the change in our languag-ing from "job" to "career". I know I could have had a "job" by now, but again, that's not good enough for me. I want to make a difference and play big and transform how work gets done. Uggh. I don't know what's worse. The not knowing what to do or the fact that I'm not doing anything.

Off to clean the upstairs. At least I still have my pride!

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