Parenthood

"When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take, choose the bolder." ~ Gen. WJ Slim

I wasn't angry. It was as if anger had left my body. I was disappointed, hurt, saddened. It felt like...like...like nothing I can describe, I guess. I was truly at a loss for words, emotions, or experiences to draw from to know what to do or how to feel.

My daughter made a (poor) choice that has left me feeling a bit at a loss. She was caught, has been disciplined, and is now living with the consequence of that (poor) choice. Yet I'm the one still crying!? You know like a sadness with no cure kind of crying. Just simple tears that creep in your heart and then out of your eyes.

We are trying very hard to raise our daughters in a Christian household in honor of a loving God. And I try to remind them (their whole lives really) to take responsibilities for their actions, to own their success and their failures, to know that only Jesus can walk on water, and to learn, above all learn, from their actions. Yet today, it feels, as a parent, I failed. It feels like I did something wrong. Like she made her choice because of something I did, or rather didn't, do something that caused her to make that choice.

But I know that's not right -- or in a way, it is, but like I tell my kids, there was only one who walked on the water. So while I have prayed with my daughter about what has happened, I said my own little prayer too. "Please Lord, help me be a parent who can forgive as you have asked us to with a loving heart, to raise children that you, Lord, would be as proud of as I am. Amen"

Uggh. Sometimes parenting feels like the worst job in the world. But that's probably what all of our great moms and dads thought about their job too!