I don't know what's wrong with the rest of the world.
We leave for vacation on Monday, and by my calculations, that is just 4 days away. My family says that's "Tracey Math". What? Are you kiddin' me?! Thursday -1. Friday - 2. Saturday - 3. Sunday - 4. How hard is this people. It's surely not FIVE days! You most certainly DON'T count the day we are currently living and you sure as hell don't count the day you leave.
I rest my case.
I doubt that I have ever been more excited for a vacation - ever. I soooo want to pour my body over a lounge chair, grab BOTH of my books that I started THIS PAST SUMMER, and several festive beverages of my choice (all with long straws so as to not have to strain my neck to reach the frosty delight after delight), and my spray-on sunblock and assume the position! Ahhh....
I simply can't wait. I'm jumping out of my skin with anticipation. Heck, I bet with my way of doing math, it will be just 3 short days any minute now! :o)
Dear Lord...today I thank you for vacations, the ability to BE on vacation, and the ability to let everything else go.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Make Time for Quiet
"Make time for the quiet moments as God whispers and the world is loud."
For the past few years, I have truly believed that if you listen, you will "hear" God. While I was in between jobs this past year, I tried so hard to keep my house/world quiet. I wanted to be able to hear whenever he may be trying to say something. At times, you would have thought I was running a home for the deaf because it was so quiet here.
When I saw this quote today, it took me back to that level of peace...and unrest. I still think it's true, but now, I just find the quiet at different moments and places. Now, it usually comes at about 10:30 in the morning when the bakery is peaceful and quiet and I listen. It's not a long time before it changes, but in the quiet, I think it's true -- I think you can hear God. Sometimes he just reminds me not to forget the salt, but other times, I can actually hear him tell the "others" "she's doing well, she's gonna make this work, she's gonna fill this little corner with joy".
But that's usually only on the REALLY quiet days! :o)
For the past few years, I have truly believed that if you listen, you will "hear" God. While I was in between jobs this past year, I tried so hard to keep my house/world quiet. I wanted to be able to hear whenever he may be trying to say something. At times, you would have thought I was running a home for the deaf because it was so quiet here.
When I saw this quote today, it took me back to that level of peace...and unrest. I still think it's true, but now, I just find the quiet at different moments and places. Now, it usually comes at about 10:30 in the morning when the bakery is peaceful and quiet and I listen. It's not a long time before it changes, but in the quiet, I think it's true -- I think you can hear God. Sometimes he just reminds me not to forget the salt, but other times, I can actually hear him tell the "others" "she's doing well, she's gonna make this work, she's gonna fill this little corner with joy".
But that's usually only on the REALLY quiet days! :o)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Head and Heart Connection
I can't seem to connect my heart to my head anymore. At times, I see glimpses of the connection. I read some one's blog and it touches me or requires me think deeper. A child walks into the bakery and I get on their level and feel their un-fearing love and for moments, I can BE with them, in their love. I can cry at the sight of a card from my best friend or a quick little note or email from one of them or my sisters. But those moments are fleeting.
I know I have said this a lot lately and I'm not whining, just wishing (or rather wanting) to have that connection to me again. I know, I know -- stop wanting and it will be. Grrr. My mind just can't seem to stop "doing" and it is doing SO much that it feels like beauty has crept out of my self. Like my whole self is filled with To-Do lists and stuff that needs to go on them and get crossed off of them.
It feels like I have been UN-connected from so many people that I miss being with -- Lisa, Keith/Randy, Pedro/family, Billy, Ross, and on and on and on. I think about them daily and wonder if they are having fun today, or when we could possibly find time to be together again, or what monumental thing is happening for them (and by monumental, I mean ANY little ol' thing!). Then it starts to feel like making time to see them must be added to the To-Do list and the cycle continues.
I'm calling this my "Not a lot of space for grace" period. I can't wait for it to be over. I miss being quiet, still, beautiful, in love.
I know I have said this a lot lately and I'm not whining, just wishing (or rather wanting) to have that connection to me again. I know, I know -- stop wanting and it will be. Grrr. My mind just can't seem to stop "doing" and it is doing SO much that it feels like beauty has crept out of my self. Like my whole self is filled with To-Do lists and stuff that needs to go on them and get crossed off of them.
It feels like I have been UN-connected from so many people that I miss being with -- Lisa, Keith/Randy, Pedro/family, Billy, Ross, and on and on and on. I think about them daily and wonder if they are having fun today, or when we could possibly find time to be together again, or what monumental thing is happening for them (and by monumental, I mean ANY little ol' thing!). Then it starts to feel like making time to see them must be added to the To-Do list and the cycle continues.
I'm calling this my "Not a lot of space for grace" period. I can't wait for it to be over. I miss being quiet, still, beautiful, in love.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Want but Don't Need...Need but Don't Want
I've always believed, well at least since the age of 21, that when you stop wanting something God will provide "it". I mean truly, deep seeded, all the way to my core belief.
This weekend, we watched "Nanny McPhee Returns" and in that you learn that Nanny will stay when you need but don't want her and leave when you want but don't need her. Exactly!
Lately, the past year and a half of trying to figure out what's next for me which turned into me opening a bakery has been coming full circle and it's really making me want to punch someone. And I'm grateful -- not for the punching, for the full circle. I've received two emails this past week. One from "the guy who had to 'noodle'" over my coming on board and the other from the President and Owner of the last company I worked for. Both asking if I'd be interested in doing "something". Grrrr.
I'm flattered, and yes I want to do BOTH things, but did you (they) hear the part about the girl who runs this sassy little bakery? And you know why? Cuz I stopped wanting. All the way, deep seeded, to my core, stopped.
Maybe they thought I was kiddin' about the bakery thing. Huh. I wasn't. I've always been a woman of my word and a woman of action. But then again, that's probably why they contacted me.
She's here when you need but don't want her and leaves when you want but don't need her.....Fun ride. I'd like to get off now. Thanks.
This weekend, we watched "Nanny McPhee Returns" and in that you learn that Nanny will stay when you need but don't want her and leave when you want but don't need her. Exactly!
Lately, the past year and a half of trying to figure out what's next for me which turned into me opening a bakery has been coming full circle and it's really making me want to punch someone. And I'm grateful -- not for the punching, for the full circle. I've received two emails this past week. One from "the guy who had to 'noodle'" over my coming on board and the other from the President and Owner of the last company I worked for. Both asking if I'd be interested in doing "something". Grrrr.
I'm flattered, and yes I want to do BOTH things, but did you (they) hear the part about the girl who runs this sassy little bakery? And you know why? Cuz I stopped wanting. All the way, deep seeded, to my core, stopped.
Maybe they thought I was kiddin' about the bakery thing. Huh. I wasn't. I've always been a woman of my word and a woman of action. But then again, that's probably why they contacted me.
She's here when you need but don't want her and leaves when you want but don't need her.....Fun ride. I'd like to get off now. Thanks.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Grateful Children
Today I am grateful for gracious children. My daughters are 14 and 12 and I simply love, love, love the fact that they don't ask for "things" or have some delusions that their parents "owe" them anything. I love that I can buy my girls something and they are purely delighted and grateful. I love that when we go shopping together, they are gitty with excitement, expect nothing from us, have so much fun, and say thank you when we are done. I love that. Love, love, love.
And I love how exciting getting ready for a vacation is! :o)
And I love how exciting getting ready for a vacation is! :o)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Room Full of Love
Today I am so grateful for afternoon delights! Not the kind you are thinking of, but rather one filled with more love than a room can hold!
After we closed the bakery on Sunday, I met Jeanne, Rhonda, and Chelley at the Woodhouse Day Spa (my fav'!) for an afternoon of luvin' and rubbin'. We sat in the tea room and drank a little tea (and wine, and champagne, and water, and...) and noshed a bit and then had a little pampering and back to the tea room. Just four best friends celebrating the life of Jeanne's Daddy and our love for each other over the span of 30 plus years.
We ALL got to hold her (and each other) and surround her with the white light of our unconditional love and no afternoon has been that important to me in a long, long time. I couldn't be there as much as I wanted to last Saturday, but we got to all be there for Jeanne for an uninterrupted afternoon, and that is more than I could have ever asked for. I highly recommend to anyone who is at a loss for how to hold some one's heart to do nothing more than surround them with your love. Well, the white chocolate scones didn't hurt either!
After we closed the bakery on Sunday, I met Jeanne, Rhonda, and Chelley at the Woodhouse Day Spa (my fav'!) for an afternoon of luvin' and rubbin'. We sat in the tea room and drank a little tea (and wine, and champagne, and water, and...) and noshed a bit and then had a little pampering and back to the tea room. Just four best friends celebrating the life of Jeanne's Daddy and our love for each other over the span of 30 plus years.
We ALL got to hold her (and each other) and surround her with the white light of our unconditional love and no afternoon has been that important to me in a long, long time. I couldn't be there as much as I wanted to last Saturday, but we got to all be there for Jeanne for an uninterrupted afternoon, and that is more than I could have ever asked for. I highly recommend to anyone who is at a loss for how to hold some one's heart to do nothing more than surround them with your love. Well, the white chocolate scones didn't hurt either!
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