My favorite quote (or reminder as I like to think of them)...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” (Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love)

Monday, April 25, 2011

Their Friends

Ever since Mexico, I've been thinking about what great kids my girls are. On that trip, we did not have one, not one, disagreement, tiff, disciplinary "talk" -- nuthin'. A whole week completely surrounded by each other and never once did anyone ever change their tone. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not delusional, I get that we didn't have the pressures of everyday life to cope with, but that's still a long time to be in each others' constant company and get along so wonderfully. They really are turning into such great teenagers and young women. Fun, gracious, curious, kind and loving.

When we came home, Annie had a friend (Carmel) over. And I couldn't help but find a smile across my heart at what a lovely young lady this, and her other friends (especially Anita, Christina & Emily) are. The same is true for Caroline. Her friends too, especially Kayla & Emily, are kind, outgoing, loving and gracious. I'm so happy for them. I'm so happy for us. I'm so happy that my girls will spend their teenage years with such "good girls" and the rest of their lives knowing they chose their friends wisely and will forever be changed for doing so.

I always tell them that it's about choices and we have the chance to make the right choice -- usually that is when I am angry and disciplining them for something, but in this case, I couldn't have made better choices for them. I'm so happy for the choices they made and continue to make in the friend department.

They are both also best friends with their cousin, Carolyn. The three of them together are truly an example of Love in Action. Carolyn (Boojie) pushes them to do new things, Caroline makes them laugh and be crazy and Annie keeps them on the right path. I love their dynamics and I love that they will forever spend the rest of their lives in love with each other -- challenging each other, helping each other, and enjoying each others lives together.

My children have definitely chosen from love, not fear, when it comes to those that fill that lives with joy. And I, for one, am SO enjoying how bright their lives are shining.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

On the Mend...

I can't wink, but that' ok. I'm not 26 anymore - who the hell do I have to wink at? But it is getting old. Mostly cuz I have to say "Blueberry" about 20 times per day. You try doing that when your lips and tongue don't move! :o)

I am getting better though. I was told to expect this for 3-6 months. I'm giving myself about another week or so, but no matter, I'm wearing my contacts tomorrow even if only for a few hours! I still can't taste much besides salt (and EVERYTHING is salty except coffee...small blessings I guess, after all, I AM back on coffee!), my right side is still paralyzed though some movement is coming back, and folks CAN understand me better on the phone, and the overall "sick" feeling (chills, sweats, nausea) isn't fun at all yet definitely a HUGE improvement over a week ago. The pain isn't fun, but it's nothing an Advil a day can't help. Ironic that one could be paralyzed and yet feel pain??

So, almost over it. Enough already. Gonna do my very best to face the coming year with some social time scheduled in. Figured the best way to BE in BEING is to DO something about it. I'm having my very first social engagement on my day off since opening the bakery. YEAH! I'm going to go have lunch with my friend Dani and I'm so excited to say that! I'm going to have lunch with my friend. Well, I mean we're gonna have lunch and frozen Sangrias, but anyway you look at, I have scheduled some social fun time for ME on MY DAY OFF! I'm almost giddy (and you're all clear that it was Dani's idea and request, right? I would have just been stuck running errands or doing more crap that day had she not requested...eh, baby steps). It will be the start of something good, and new, and hell - the Doctor even practically prescribed it (less stress)! I should see if our Sangrias are covered under our insurance!

In all seriousness, it has been the hardest 8 months of my life but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I see glimpses of "life" again. Hell, I even told my husband I know where I'm gonna pick to go when it's "my turn" for our fun, long weekend trips with James and Anastasia. Now THAT'S glimpses of hope people!

I'm on the mend. Thank God cuz I don't do sick very well! :o)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Busy People Never Get Sick

Busy people never, I repeat NEVER, get sick. Except of course when they're not busy, then look the hell out!

Uggh. So there we were minding our very own business, having a fun, uber-relaxing time under the Mexican sunshine, drinking as many different kinds of festive blue beveages as I could create, and then WHAM! "Um honey...I can't actually wink at you...or blink or move my lip or raise my eyebrow or smile or make kissy lips."

And now there's that.

Twelve hours later, two IV's in a Mexicana hospitale, and $18,000 Pesos later (don't do the math or you may puke!), I am taking a taxi back to the resort to let my poor family (who knew NOTHING!) that Ma was gonna be ok.

Well that was fun. And if only I were makin' any, ANY, of it up. Now don't get me wrong, the vacation, up until this point was literally Heavenly. Being diagosed with Bells Palsey (by the way, I don't even know how to spell it) on the other hand, not so much.

I've been told that "stress overload" is one of the main causes of said "sickness". Stress overload? Oh for god! I've been saying this for months now. As my friend Buttercup used to say - "Acknowledge and move on"! I get it, I'm stressed, but C'Mon! Like I need this sh*&! I soooo don't!

Truth be told, even through my humor about all of this, I am actually really sad about it. I'm sad that "I" scared my family. I'm sad that this is such an important story of our heavenly vacation. I'm sad that I'm not well and operating at 100%. And I'm sad that I'm sad and scared.

And puh-lease, it's just a little facial paralysis and some deafening numbing in my ear drum. Let's not get dramatic. But it still stinks and I still wish I didn't have it.

Oh, and by the way, having it SURELY isn't helping my stress levels out...not one little bit! :o)