My favorite quote (or reminder as I like to think of them)...

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” (Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Head and Heart Connection

I can't seem to connect my heart to my head anymore. At times, I see glimpses of the connection. I read some one's blog and it touches me or requires me think deeper. A child walks into the bakery and I get on their level and feel their un-fearing love and for moments, I can BE with them, in their love. I can cry at the sight of a card from my best friend or a quick little note or email from one of them or my sisters. But those moments are fleeting.

I know I have said this a lot lately and I'm not whining, just wishing (or rather wanting) to have that connection to me again. I know, I know -- stop wanting and it will be. Grrr. My mind just can't seem to stop "doing" and it is doing SO much that it feels like beauty has crept out of my self. Like my whole self is filled with To-Do lists and stuff that needs to go on them and get crossed off of them.

It feels like I have been UN-connected from so many people that I miss being with -- Lisa, Keith/Randy, Pedro/family, Billy, Ross, and on and on and on. I think about them daily and wonder if they are having fun today, or when we could possibly find time to be together again, or what monumental thing is happening for them (and by monumental, I mean ANY little ol' thing!). Then it starts to feel like making time to see them must be added to the To-Do list and the cycle continues.

I'm calling this my "Not a lot of space for grace" period. I can't wait for it to be over. I miss being quiet, still, beautiful, in love.
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4 comments:

  1. Merry MEMarch 13, 2011 at 9:56 PM

    Maybe you have to schedule in the friend time or quiet time until it comes naturally like baking brownies or frosting cakes. Make it part of your day. Yeh, you'll have to check it off the list at first, but that doesn't mean it won't feel good.

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  2. AnonymousMarch 13, 2011 at 11:31 PM

    Poodle... and you know that just this morning I was thinking about just driving up and stopping in. You're like a captive audience (even if you are working your buns and cookies off!). Alas, I didn't take the drive... but know that you are never (really - NEVER) far from our thoughts and well wishes.

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  3. QnDaniMarch 14, 2011 at 5:54 AM

    Remind me to tell you my Bob Dylan story...

    My wise mentor once told me that we will always find the time to do what we'd rather be doing - and that although there are (sometimes) a hundred thousand excuses for not taking time for ourselves, it all comes down to only one reason - our unwillingness to put ourselves first.

    Rest your wings sunshine. Rest your wings. There is time - really.

    XXOO

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  4. UnknownMarch 14, 2011 at 7:16 AM

    Swootzie,

    I feel the same way! When you find a way out of it, share it with me!

    Love ya!

    Carole

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