My Last Blog Post

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift of life is yours; it is an amazing journey; and you alone are responsible for the quality of it." ~ Dan Zadra

I now understand what Oprah meant and kept saying for the last year of her show. She spoke that she was not sad of it's ending, but rather that she released that energy for what will be next (I paraphrase, of course). Granted, I didn't have a world, life, and history changing "thing" going on here with my little blog, but I did have something that forged a difference for me.

This will be last (personal) blog post. I started this blog a few years ago with the intention of exposing my true self to great people that I wanted to work with and/or for, align myself with, and potentially open mySELF up to new possibilities and opportunities. I blog from my heart with my own sense of humor and lack of drama that I take on every day with. I spoke to an audience I didn't know was listening, but hoped cared. I didn't want to be a writer "when I grew up"...or I did. I didn't want to be an open book...or I did. I didn't want to be exposed, but I did.

I wanted to have an authentic side of me exposed without fast talking, interruptions, distractions, judgements, or the weight of anything else on my heart except keeping true to my commitment to show an authentic side of myself. I wasn't trying to help anyone else, just trying to grow my soul. I wasn't trying to change the world, just what my little part of the world was made up of. I was trying to explore new avenues, new comfort levels and new dedications to myself to BE.

In doing so, I have been blessed with new friends, I have learned much about myself, I have received a part of the hearts of my husband, my friends (& family friends), and I have learned much. In my blogging community, I have learned from the other strong, creative women I have come to call friends. I have learned new ways to look at things, new words, new opportunities and new strengths.

What I have struggled with the past year is the intention of this blog, trying on several occasions to realign myself with that. I have also struggled with the time it takes to "do" this blog. These two factors have proven to me that now is not the right time to force myself to continue. For in doing so, I have become counterproductive to what I have learned and experienced in this journey so far and have gone back to one who is always "Doing" vs someone who is "Being" - this being one of the biggest struggles of my life and one of the biggest rewards in having my blog (to date).

I am still going to keep Sally's blog as I am aligned with the intention of that blog/arena. It serves a purpose (to me) and I think of it as part of my job actually. I'm also going to continue to enjoy reading about the lives and spirits of the ladies I enjoy so much being a part of. I will continue to learn from them and interact in this avenue for as long as they will have me. I will also try to continue to let my heart come from an authentic place of speaking.

This leg of my journey has in fact shown me some of what I was hoping it would, albeit not the way I was expecting it to turn out. Nonetheless, I am forever changed by the journey. I won't make any more apologies or excuses for this blog and my responsibility to it. I am releasing this energy, and forgiving myself for not being able to "keep my commitment". And even that I am releasing. There were no rules to this, just my insane pressure cooker of a mind that says I have to do it because I started it. What I fail at seeing, so often, is that I am also responsible for ending it/something, and that is completion too.

As one of my best friends always tells me, "release any energy you no longer need, back into the earth". So I shall.

Thanks for Taking My Call

My mom called me the other day, during the work day, and I answered. She thanked me for taking her call. Uggh. What has life come to when my own Momma has to thank me for taking her call "since I'm so busy". Uggh. I used to call her EVERY Tuesday on the way home from work. Now she's lucky she "got in".

Well that is unacceptable and I need to shape up! Your momma should feel first...not convenient. Just talking to her for the five minutes I did made me giggle out loud and of course made me miss her more (she lives in Georgia). I'mma gonna change my naughty behavior and I post this for you (all) to hold me accountable and also to serve as a reminder to love your momma, or those that are like Mommas to you, right now. Now.

Now.

Don't make me come up there!

My post from Monday that I was too busy to finish! :o)

MONDAY: Another Monday and the running has begun. I'm sitting here getting my oil changed at 10:00 in the morning and my brain won't relax at all. Maybe that's ok, but I feel like I'm gonna run out of ink in my pen and certainly gonna run out of paper to write the barrage of sh-tuff in my little brain.

I find it kinda funny that I work so stinkin' hard to have fun. So today I will spend the entire day literally haulin' as#* (even faster than normal) so that on Wednesday I can enjoy a little pizza party with my Girl Scout troop, on Thursday I can be fully present and prepared (as well as possible) for the bakery's one year anniversary celebration (IKR!!!), and on Friday, leave right after school/work to go have our yearly weekend of fun with John's family. And somehow manage to not break out into hives!! I do it all the time! Kinda cracks me up but ma'an when it's time to play, I can definitely say "I'm all in!"!

FRIDAY: So it's now Friday afternoon and we are sitting in traffic on our way up north. Don't you find that ironic. HA! Sitting in traffic. Idol. Doing nothing but being being delayed from the weekend o' fun. The ironic-ness of that is so "in yo' face". Someday I'm gonna ask God why he thinks this kind of stuff is comical. Cuz you so know he is laughin' his fanny off...almost like he saw a 5' medal chicken at the pearly gates!! (had to do it Mar')!!! :o)

I Move and Breathe

"In God, I move and breathe and have my being." ~ Oprah

It goes without saying that I adore Oprah. I adore her heart, her intentions, her abilities, and on and on and on. Last week, while watching "Behind Season 25", Oprah was speaking of her last elevator ride (which she did by herself before every show) to do her last show. She uses that quick time to do a little prayer and center herself and her intentions for the show to come.

Needless to say, a lot was riding on the "last show". How would she go out? What was the intention of the show/finale? Did it line up with the intention of the last 25 years?

On that elevator ride, she said (in a meditative way) the quote above ~ "In God, I move and breathe and have my being." In this lifetime, I am certain that those words would never have come across my lips of my own doing, but now, it seems all I want to say to myself.

This has been a hard (almost one) year for me. Physically, emotionally, physically... :o) and I feel as though parts of my Being are coming back. I read a book! I had dinner last Saturday with two of my favorite people on the whole Earth! I sat, yes SAT, down one afternoon and simply read!

My husband said to me a few weeks ago (when I was whining about not having time to read anymore), to just "pick up the book and start...who cares when you finish, but you'll NEVER finish if you don't start". Huh, who knew? He's like a Monk or a Prophet or something, hey?

So it's like that for me now. At least for this stage. I shall just start "it", whatever "it" is. And I am certain that I shall be surprised at what happens. Maybe surprised isn't the right word. I shall be, what....pleased? Fulfilled? Dunno...but I do know that this feels like my being is getting back on track, so I shall move (forward) and breathe...In God.

And They're Off

Well, my girls are just hours away from taking a wonderful two week vacation to Europe! They are so blessed and I'm happy to report, they know it. They are thankful, appreciative, and realize how lucky they are. I have amazing teenage daughters and i am gonna miss the crap out of them!! So tonight, I am grateful for opportunities, for safe travel, and for love that makes my heart long for being together again!!

Article on Our Silver Award Project

My friend Mary reminded me that I didn't really share this with everyone yet. Our Girl Scout troop wrapped up their three years of working on our Silver Award project by remodeling, cleaning, organizing, etc. the home of a single mom, her three daughters (ages 18-24), her son who has Down Syndrome and his best friend who also has Downs.

They have been through a VERY rough past few years and I couldn't be more proud of what our troop and their families have done for this family. Truly amazing! Here is the link to the article written in the local paper. PLEASE make sure to click on and view the videos as Rudy and Ryan's reactions are so fantastic!!!

http://journaltimes.com/news/local/article_6f286106-9af2-11e0-9a86-001cc4c03286.html

I'm not gone, really!

Having one of those "Holy Crap" times in my life. Had to cut off the cake orders for the week (can't take another order!) and it was only Wednesday morning and today, had to cut off the bread orders for the rest of the week. Like I said - Holy Crap!

This week (two actually) is just overwhelming at the bakery and at home. But it's exciting too. Our Girl Scout troop is wrapping up three years of working on our extreme Mini-Home Makeover (all day on Saturday) and I am so excited to be helping this family!

I am also excited to see the permanent mark that will be imprinted on my (13) girls' hearts for having done this project. We are helping to fix up and improve a home that is owned by a single mom whose (3) adult daughters live at home (18-24) with her adult son who has Down Syndrome and his good friend who also has Downs. The girls were sexually abused by their stepfather (who is now in jail) and then there's the taking care of two disabled men. Good times! Well, we just know this weekend is gonna make all the difference to their lives and I for one am excited to "Move that Bus"!! :o)

That's all I have in me for tonight. Just wanted to check in, get in touch, be moved by all the fantastic women in my blog world, and feel the power of all the wonderful women I am inspired by reading from and writing to!

'Night!

Shame on Me

I should have grounded myself. Shame on me. My Momma called to chat a few days ago, and I took her call, but here's the thing....we were 1/3 of the way into a movie when she called. So I kinda "blew her off".

How dare I? How is a movie more important than talkin' with your Momma? How many of you don't even have your Mommas and I just dismissed mine. Uggh.

It made me cry that I did that. It's MORE proof that I am still busy DOING instead of BEING. F. I'm still ticked that I behaved in such a manner and I pray that I never do again.

What has our life come to when we don't have, or rather, don't TAKE the time to be in relation with the people that mean the most to us. I'm sorry Ma (although, ironically, she doesn't ever read my blog!) :o). I'm sorry I found something more important than you because, truth be told, there isn't. Anything.

And I accept my punishment...I'm SO in a time-out! 'Cept on this sentence, I get to have as many phone calls as I want!

Taking Time to Play

Today I am thankful for fun new games played with family! We played a new game with my sister's family called "Sign". What an absolute blast! Whoever is "it" has to try to figure out who has the sign and is trying to pass it to someone else. Get caught, and you're in the middle!

I love games! So today, I am thankful for fun, family, love, and taking time to play!

The Gift of Living Free of Fear!

My friend, Merry Me, got this email from her daughter this past week and I thought it was SOOO profound, so wonderful, so spot-on that I just had to share it.

The past 15 years of my life, I have be working on clarifying Love vs Fear -- in EVERYTHING, every action, every thought, EVERYTHING -- both mine and others'. It's a profound journey and one that I find that I am actually reaching some level of deep understanding of.

I get this to my core and I simply love, love, love these words that Ms. Wendell used to coach her mother!

Mom, I wish I could give you the gift of living free of fear.
There's just no need for this much fear unless you're being chased by a bear.
You're going to be wonderful, as you always are.
Just breathe into the anxiety, and trust that you're going to be okay.
Better than okay.
Don't empower the negative voice;
start hearing the voice you reserve for those you love.
The voice that peps me up and believes in me.
Turn it on yourself and feel the love and shine on.
Pardon my French, but f$*& the fear.
:) Love you.
You're awesome and are going to be great today.
Try to enjoy it rather than endure it.
~ wendell p. peptalk

Ma'an...she's good! Goosebumps good! "I wish I could give you the gift of living free of fear"!